In a world full of color and vibrancy, emotions and decisions....distractions and diversions....There lurks one indelible truth...darkness and depression are things that occur to use Synesthetes also.
Inside my depressive world lives shadows that escalate with each successive pass of days.
Some days it's like everything outside is completely indescribably dark and stormy. It's like all life in the world is gone, all happiness has evaporated, and meaninglessness is pervasive.
This is what I have been going through and hence my blog has kind of grinded to a halt.
It is difficult on days like this to get the motivation to do anything, my drive is completely gone.
Speaking purely of mental illness and the like, it is very difficult for me to get this train back on tracks, especially when the derailments are so close to home.
As difficult as it is, I am still here. I am still trying, still fighting, still moving along day to day.
We aren't perfect people, but we can have perfection within ourselves if we wish, our version of perfection will change depending on our knowledge.
In myself I have found that colors are my life, they are my force for good. They are something I can rely on when times are tough, they are with me throughout, there are some things I need to use to ground. I am learning what they are in order to survive this.
It has been a rough journey but it is far from over. Every colorful step deserves another, if I keep with notion, I'll never stop the journey.
Life is about the journey, it is never about the destination. We travel through it like a squirrel travels across trees for nuts. It is a journey we must undertake, we need not be alone doing so, although this is purely about inward reflection and dedicating the day to ourselves too. Taking a piece of ourselves and using that as a catalyst for further actions and decisions.
Learning...who we are. That's the question I ask you today, who are you? What is your story? What is our purpose? We all have one, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, every piece fits in a certain spot, we just have to discover our spot.
Whether thats a by a lake with a sunday beverage, whether that is in the city walking down South Street in Philly, whether that is calmly fishing by the lakes of the Macedon Ranges back in Australia, whether that is us helping a strange and coloring their world, or whether that is just us simply recharging ourselves at home with a nice cup of english breakfast tea in the mornings, reading and quitely surrounding ourselves with mechanisms that trigger that helpfulness and calmness that we all need.
Some days are easier than others, today is a day I found that I could actually write in amongst all of this turmoil, torment, and depression.
We are not perfect, we never will be, we need only be perfect to ourselves. If we reflect that, we can shine that on others and help them reach what they seek, maybe they seek grounding, whatever the case.
Together. We win.
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